Month: May 2016

Basic hygiene

Why is it that people only seem to wash their hands as they’re washing their food containers?

They never seem to actually wash their hands properly.
And most of them usually not at all.

I even saw one guy wash his hands before going to take a pee, and then didn’t wash his hands after.
Hahahah why?  What the hell?  What kind of logic is that?

An American colleague saw this happen as well.  So it wasn’t just a one-off.

People, if you’re taking a shit, there’s a chance you’ve got something on your hands… hopefully not, but a chance.

If you’re taking a wizz, then you’ve been touching yourself. If you don’t wash your hands……well I don’t know about you but I don’t want to shake hands with a guy that’s got penis hands.

Also its just basic hygiene.
Each time you go to the bathroom, regardless of what you do, each time you come into a house, or about to eat dinner… wash your hands, and then you’re fresh for the people you’re about to meet.

If you’re not going to do the latter, at least do the bathroom one.
Come on people, this is just basic hygiene.

Did you know that in 2003 when SARS was in full swing in China, the government had to tell people, to urge people that every time they went to the bathroom, every time they ate food they had to wash their hands afterwards with soap and sing ‘happy birthday’ twice, because this was on average the right amount of time to make sure they washed their hands properly？

My Uncle lived here at the time. And he said it was hilarious. There were grown men in their 50’s, all senior company executives standing at the wash basin singing happy birthday twice over.

The only way you can justifiably not wash your hands is if a guy was to literally not touch himself as he took a pee.
Which to be fair I’ve actually seen.
Literally this guy just pulled down his pants and underwear to his knees and started peeing.
That’s what kids do in primary school man. … you’re above that by now surely.

It was like Butters (from South Park) going to the bathroom.

butter

Toilet answering

Every time I go to the bathroom here in China, there inevitably seems to be someone that whilst squatting down doing his business, his phone rings, and he immediately picks it up.

What?  Don’t…..ahhhh…. just don’t do that.

Just let it ring out.

Surely the person on the other end can wait until you’ve finished your business.
You’re life surely can’t be that busy where each call has to be answered straight away because if you don’t you won’t have enough time in the day to do things.

Sometimes these guys are having a chat on the phone… and of course not using an inside voice….and they’re having a particularly explosive episode of diarrhoea… and then suddenly they’re shouting even more to shout over the top of their own …umm…sound.

And there’s no apologies… its just… ‘hey YEAH YEAH, OH REALLY?, wait… *disgusting farting sound…..OH YEAH I CAN DO THAT’

Fucking hell man, do you really think the person on the other end wants to hear that?

Even if you weren’t making the sounds yourself…..you wouldn’t take the call would you?
Because there’s a chance that other people could be making them.

In the same way that you wouldn’t go into the bathroom to take a phone call, right?
Or are these people solely focused on the smell or something?

Errgggh… the… I don’t know… there’s just no concern for other people apparently.

If the golden rule does apply to them (the whole do to others as you want done to you) then it means that if they’ve gone through this process and still pick up their phone, then they’re quite clearly happy to be hearing another person fart and shit on the other end of the line.

Is this what 5000 years of culture has led to?

Please let it not be so.

Helmet safety, convenience is key

Yesterday coming back from huairou 怀柔,
I saw a guy not wearing his helmet, but he had it resting on his right wing mirror.

So not only was he not protected, he couldn’t see what was behind him.

Brilliant!

Another guy a few days ago had his arm through his helmet and then he was gripping onto the motorbike like that, and of course not wearing it.
Inconveniencing himself and not being protected.  The best of both worlds.
Well done good sir, well done.

Living in china and the 4 basic necessities

Taken from a conversation with a friend after a bout of food poisoning from some dumplings he ate the day before.

A: Honestly, I’m starting to be tired of Chinese food just because of that
-I’ve never had food poisoning in my life before coming to China
-And now this is like three times in the last year
-Pretty sure food poisoning isn’t really good for your body
B: Hahha… and the texture..
A: Nah but like so many sauces/spices/herbs
-You simply can’t taste the actual food anymore
-I think I’m definitely going stick with western food more and more
-Really makes you wonder why we like this country so much when it lacks so many of the very basics
-Food that doesn’t make you sick
-Water that doesn’t make you sick
-Alcohol that’s not fake
-Air that doesn’t make you sick
-I don’t think it gets more basic than that haha
-I can kind of understand why my friends don’t really want to visit me here

B: Food, air, water ….all makes you sick
-The only thing they’re missing is shelter that makes you sick
A: Oh I’m sure the shitty materials they use do
-And the fact that buildings just collapse every now and again
B: Oh yeah.. earthquakes… schools
(referring to the 2008 Sichuan earthquake in which government built schools collapsed because the local gov was trying to save money by not meeting all required safety standards…apparently pocketing the difference)
-Wow…. china has it all

A: Although you may argue, death isn’t exactly sickness
B: Hahahahaha
-Yep that’s what the gov will argue…
A: Hey if you’re dead you’re not suffering
-And your family might even get money!
A: That’s the golden argument right there
-Moniessss !
B: Yep, Socialism with chinese characteristics!
A: What a lovely place

Water- It obviously not that China doesn’t have clean water, it’s just that it’s not available for free.
Air- you’ve seen the news.
Food- there’s a reason that the chinese go-to excuse for pulling a sick day is ‘拉肚子’ la duzi (diarrhea) instead of just saying…”I’m sick” … and that’s because it’s relatively common. Go figure.
Shelter- To be fair Chinese construction has got a lot better in recent years.  Although I think much of this came through trial-and error, a bit like Chinese medicine I guess. But either way this is improving.

What a lovely place.

So who is the illogical ones in this situation?

We are, the 2 foreigners having this conversation.
Because we both come from countries which have all these.
But in fact the reason why we’re here is because it’s almost as if our own countries are already good.  It’s gone through all the phases of progression and growth has now slowed down and relative to China everything is perfect….  too perfect.

But, its that reason why we’re here, because that is also boring to some regard.
We’re attracted to the madness of China.

The madness like explained above?  …not quite but still.

The madness of China is great, and as you see from the stories in this site there’s a lot of madness.

What a lovely place.

You need to move your bike….

2016-05-18 Wednesday

Today, normal day trying to take the bike to the bus station so I can take the bus to work.

They’re doing construction works in my building at the moment, of which they never tell you about… so woke up to drilling……
Awesome.

Lately I couldn’t chain my bike to the sign post outside the building because the foot path was under construction.  And I’ve found out the hard way… if its not tied to something, then it becomes an easy target for thieves.

So I actually tied it to one of the support scaffolding around the side of the building.

I went out this morning to try and unlock the bike… as there’s 2 guys working on the side of the building…

They see me, bend down near the back of the bike… fiddle with the lock for 10 or so minutes and finally give up.
I decided I was going to go inside to get some WD40 and have another go.

Anyway one of them looks at me and says in chinese…”you should move the bike because we have to do work here”

So I replied…”ah yeah, I would like to, bit the lock doesn’t work”

And he said… “no you should move… you see… work”

Me: “yeah I know, I can see… but the bike has a lock… the lock does not work. So I cannot move”

And then the 2nd worker comes and squats down on the ledge…looking at me… kind of making sure that I’m a foreigner (I had my helmet on but still, the mannerisms of foreigners are so different than that of chinese, he should’ve already known)

And so this guy says “你应该把车放在那边儿” which is exactly-
“you should regarding vehicle put over there”

To which I said …with a sigh….”yeah I know,…. I understand what you’re saying, but the lock does not work”…
then I pointed to the keys that I was showing them before yet this time ever more clearly,
“so if I can’t unlock the bike…. I can’t move the bike”

Them: “oh the lock”

Dude wtf do you think I was doing down there for 10 mins??
…use that thing between you ears.. that pea that you refer to as a brain and try to figure out what I might be talking about that would justify this given the situation.

Was I tying my shoe just randomly in that exact spot behind my motorbike with my helmet on?
Unlikely… but possibly.
But then why would I not be able to move the bike??

I know that often when some chinese people are talking to foreigners .. ‘the wall’-(the wall of incomprehension) comes up, because they just instantly assume that Mr foreigner can’t possibly understand the civilised language of chinese… so they’re not even going to try to listen / comprehend… so whatever comes out of Mr foreigner’s mouth… bugger it… I can not understand.

Something about being enclosed and away from other civilisations… or not enough education or something like this.

Anyway, the other guy says “..the bike…”

And then I stopped listening…  and just turned around and walked back inside…mumbling ‘idiot…shababdaba…morons’….and ‘what was I thinking?’

I mean yes… they’re illogical nut jobs for not being able to figure out a situation

but at that point I realised I was JUST as illogical because I was carrying on a conversation with these 2 idiots… and I KNEW they were idiots.. trying to explain something that wasn’t going to change anything
… the bike was still locked… it couldn’t be moved… and they were still idiots.

What the hell am I doing just standing here talking to these 2 morons ??

Arrghhh!